I just don't care anymore. I'm not even sure that I ever really did.
"Care about what?" a voice from my imaginary audience asks.
"Anything," I reply.
It hit me at work the other day.
I was writing a procedure for a task so simple that a lobotomized howler monkey could have figured it out, when I realized that I was just going through the motions.
I put as little real effort into my job as I can get away with.
I make the minimum expected small talk with my coworkers.
I answer questions with whatever I think will make the inquisitive jackass go away.
I eat out every night because I can't be bothered to cook. (This is the one that will shock people who know me)
I don't have a social life. I don't want a social life.
I don't even drive my car to work anymore, I make the guy I 'pool with drive (my car).
I identify completely with "Splendid Isolation" by Warren Zevon. Hence the title of this post.
(I bought the CD ("Genius") for "Werewolves of London" and "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner")
Am I depressed? Maybe. How the hell should I know?
Later,
Saturday, March 31, 2007
I want to be like Georgia O'Keefe
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6 people have spouted off:
"not caring" can be a sign of mild depression (not that I'm qualified to diagnose :^). With extreme depression, you probably wouldn't bother going to work at all. My suggestion would be to do something unusual, or take some time for yourself. *shrugs* I spent most of the last year depressed (it really only lifted towards the end of February), and both of those helped me.
"The ennui is overpowering."
Strange as it seems, it often only takes a few minutes of an activity to completely change my mood. Setting aside even five minutes here and there can make a big difference.
The "not caring" part doesn't mean you're depressed--far from it. You simply realize the futility of caring. The ennui you mention is self-inflicted, merely a state of mind and under your control.
Concerning work... well, work sucks.
Sweet. I don't care either. I don't see it as depression, just more of an insulating cloud in which to float through life.
Spout off: