Saturday, March 31, 2007

I want to be like Georgia O'Keefe

I just don't care anymore. I'm not even sure that I ever really did.

"Care about what?" a voice from my imaginary audience asks.

"Anything," I reply.

It hit me at work the other day.
I was writing a procedure for a task so simple that a lobotomized howler monkey could have figured it out, when I realized that I was just going through the motions.

I put as little real effort into my job as I can get away with.

I make the minimum expected small talk with my coworkers.

I answer questions with whatever I think will make the inquisitive jackass go away.

I eat out every night because I can't be bothered to cook. (This is the one that will shock people who know me)

I don't have a social life. I don't want a social life.

I don't even drive my car to work anymore, I make the guy I 'pool with drive (my car).

I identify completely with "Splendid Isolation" by Warren Zevon. Hence the title of this post.
(I bought the CD ("Genius") for "Werewolves of London" and "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner")

Am I depressed? Maybe. How the hell should I know?

Later,

6 people have spouted off:

Qalmlea said...

"not caring" can be a sign of mild depression (not that I'm qualified to diagnose :^). With extreme depression, you probably wouldn't bother going to work at all. My suggestion would be to do something unusual, or take some time for yourself. *shrugs* I spent most of the last year depressed (it really only lifted towards the end of February), and both of those helped me.

John said...
The trouble is that I work 10 hours a day five days a week, with a pretty long commute on either end. And I have reasons not to use my week of vacation time until the end of May.

"The ennui is overpowering."
3/31/07, 9:09 PM
Qalmlea said...

Strange as it seems, it often only takes a few minutes of an activity to completely change my mood. Setting aside even five minutes here and there can make a big difference.

John said...
that sounds like good advice. I'll try it.
3/31/07, 9:28 PM
tom said...

The "not caring" part doesn't mean you're depressed--far from it. You simply realize the futility of caring. The ennui you mention is self-inflicted, merely a state of mind and under your control.
Concerning work... well, work sucks.

dave said...

Sweet. I don't care either. I don't see it as depression, just more of an insulating cloud in which to float through life.